I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think I sprained my soul last night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
