I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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