I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
