Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Congratulations! We have a period
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