Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
