Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
