my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
