nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
