U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
