my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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