38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
