This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
