And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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