It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
