you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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