I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
