I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
