bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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