First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Even my vagina gasped.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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