The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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