I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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