farters have to be the big spoon...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
