I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
