oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Swine flu is the new snow day.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
