life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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