too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
