I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
