I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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