Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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