dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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