you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
