he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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