So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
