i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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