Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
