i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
