called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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