Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
