when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
