Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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