i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
