he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Randomize
