I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
