Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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