omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
