She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
