I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
