U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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