Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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