Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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