we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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