I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
