HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
