that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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