Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's official drugs can't kill me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
